A Mind Full of Questions

And Jamison did desire sanity. She also precious her mania at certain times, her energy and intensity and ecstasy. She did not value the muffling effect that lithium exerted, even though she came to figure that it would save her. Still, later in the book when she was able to cut out the dosage of lithium, she was thrilled to have whatsoever of that perceptual and randy intensity restored to her without the loss of her sanity. Indeed, she indicated that the reduced dose of lithium real seemed to make her more stable and flexible, quite an than so brittle. It restored some of her coping ability ( pp. 161-167).

Still, the earliest response to the medication was to bear it and rail against its necessity. There were powerful pulls toward the mania part of her manic-depression illness, not only because of the advantages she perceived they gave to her, but because of her memories of her father.

Her father was the forerunner, early enamour all the family with his enthusiasms and high energy, but later sinking into vile depressions, filled with not only despair, but with violence (p. 35). His moods seemed not to swing as much as to sink into resume despair. Even his manias, as Jamison noted, were too extreme, causing him trouble at work.

Al virtually immediately after her father's sinking into pro establish despair, Kay Jamison had her witness first attack

In culture this book, it is striking to look at her cycles and think how they seem to award a massive disruption or discontinuity of the disembodied spirit force. It is at first as if the life force is rushing by means of her at several times the ordinary velocity. Then, it is as if the life force has been depleted, or withdrawn. It is as if there is an actual tidal cycle of some force, or substance, that is almost irresistible.

The force builds up and builds up, then it recedes, leaving her stranded, with little nourishment until the tide returns again.

Still, she had abundant resistance to doing anything about this vast tidal cycle, even though it began to have an even greater impact on her life. She had a sense of herself as disturbed, and gradually began to try to hide it from everyone, although terrified that it showed. She talked about trying to pass as normal in school (p. 39), always worried that she would be found out. That, too, is a recurring theme in this book. Later, she would fear that she would be found out and forced out of her studies or out of her job. She would also fear that when the men she was involved with found out, they would reject her. Yet, for the most part, she lived a charmed life in that respect. She met with great beneficence and tolerance and support, both professionally and personally.

of manic-depressive illness. She felt kindred she lost her mind rapidly and easily. This first attack seemed rather light, compared to later ones. She was over-enthusiastic, over-energetic, and over-brigh
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